I’m a firm believer in fate, much to my Dad’s annoyance (he’s more of a ‘scientist’ and believes everything can be explained by the theory of chaos – imagine!) The world as I see it is one where although we think we’re in control, we’re actually at the mercy of fate to determine what happens next. The importance we place on making decisions is largely irrelevant as where we land is where we were always destined to land. For those who know me, you’ll know well that I jump head first into most situations – this is one of the reasons why, there’s really no reason not to!

The universe has been sending me some pretty strong signals that my fate lies in India;

  1. My friend from India got in contact with me the morning I broke the news to my boss (I’d not heard from her for a couple of years before that)
  2. Her brother lives in Kerala
  3. I found out the Yoga retreat I nearly booked a year ago happens to be just down the road from where I’m going to be volunteering
  4. The morning after I’d told my boss, I accidentally saw a shooting star – I should have been in the car but stopped halfway up the drive to scrape the last bit of ice from my windscreen, turned around, looked to the sky and there it was

There simply is no scientific explanation…

For the past few weeks I’ve been seeing the number 22 (almost) everywhere I look. It’s happening at an alarming rate, to the point where I’m starting to think it’s stalking me.  ’22 miles until you reach your destination’, being woken up at 22:22 by Mia tidying her room (yes this kid’s weird), 22 vegan recipes for the family, Chloe was active 22 minutes ago, Myfitnesspal telling me I’ve 222 calories left… I really could go on…

It can really only mean one of 3 things;

  1. The universe is trying to tell me something
  2. I’m in a catch 22 situation, that I need to figure out a way of escaping
  3. Nothing

I refuse to believe it means nothing – it’s not possible for something to mean nothing. That would definitely maybe be an oxymoron.

I’m also not aware of an inescapable paradoxical situation with contradictory rules that I’m currently facing but have no control over…

So that just leaves the universe, the most obvious and logical choice.

A quick Google of ‘Why do I keep seeing the number 22?’ returned lots of results relating to ‘Angel Numbers’… I’m aware I may lose people at this point, but if you’re still with me, seeing the number 22 is apparently a message from angels encouraging me to maintain my convictions and positive attitude as my desires are currently being manifested. They’re telling me to go with my instinct, to follow my heart and that there’s no better time for me to start helping people!

It seems pretty apt, given the path I’m tentatively starting to tread and I must confess that I do harbour a belief in angels….

I saw one once. She wasn’t your typical angel (at least not like the ones you see in movies), she was an old lady who came to me as a ghostly apparition sat at the end of my bed one evening just before my 8th birthday. I wasn’t scared in the slightest and I can’t explain why, but I know she was real. I still have no idea who she was, or why she was there, but I know I felt safe in her company. I’ve had hallucinations before, (I had regular bouts of sleep paralysis when I was ill), so I know the difference. One of my worst hallucinations was watching the windows melt and seeing 2 men step through them into my bedroom. They stood over me and I could feel their breath on my face – they definitely weren’t there for a coffee and chat… I was completely unable to move, or speak, even though every fibre in my body was screaming at me to get out of there. It was terrifying and it used to happen at least twice a week… it’s no wonder insomnia became my good friend…

I’m convinced that death isn’t the end of our existence. I can’t articulate what I believe and have never really tried, but I guess there’s really only one way any of us will ever find out… At my Grandad’s funeral there was a tiny spider that came to join me on the pew. I played with him for a while, he didn’t seem in a hurry to be anywhere other than scurrying across the back of my hand. I’m pretty sure it was my Grandad letting me know he was ok. I probably took it a step too far by trying to explain this to my Aunty at the wake – I think the only thing she was convinced of was that I had gone slightly insane…

I had a similar experience when my ex mother in law died. We weren’t able to go to the funeral as we were on holiday, so instead walked to the top of a hill overlooking the sea and found a rock to perch on whilst we reflected on our memories of her life. Between our tears and fond recollections, we noticed a lizard has joined us. He stayed there for as long as we did, darting in and out of the rocks as the sun went down, happily reminiscing.

It did make me wonder what I’ll come back as. I’m hoping it’s not a wasp – I don’t fancy my chances of being given the opportunity to get my message across…

So I’ll keep trying to catch 22 and once I do, I’ll ask it to move on and focus its attention on someone else who needs it. Until then I’ll continue doing what I’m doing and have faith that regardless of what it all means I’ll gladly carry on following the path fate has carved for me. I know I’ll end up somewhere completely wonderful with plenty of spiders, lizards, angels and maybe even some wasps to keep me company.

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One thought on “Can I Catch 22?

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